Um pedido para o gênio da lâmpada: compromissos, pedidos e acordos

5 minutos para ler

Puxei da memória a primeira vez que pensei sobre qual pedido fazer.

Ao cortar meu bolo de aniversário e fazer UM pedido. Lembrei também dos pedidos ao pular as ondas no Reveillon. É impossível não lembrar do gênio da lâmpada de Alladin.

Vamos fazer um exercício? Anota um pedido para você fazer neste momento para o gênio da lâmpada.

Confesso que, para mim, os pedidos eram precedidos por momentos de angústia: o que pedir que valha a pena, como ele pode ser genérico para abarcar muitas necessidades e específico o suficiente para não correr o risco de acabar não recebendo o que eu queria, algo que era bom pra mim e também para os que me rodeiam, como poderia ter impacto agora e também perdurar…

Por que é difícil pedir?

Porque os pedidos nascem de uma carência, como diz Fred Kofman. E isso implica que não sabemos ou podemos fazer algo tão efetivamente quanto a outra pessoa.

E, também, porque nos expomos e nos arriscamos: a ouvir um “não” como resposta. Muitas vezes julgamos que é um não para quem sou no lugar de um “não” para o meu pedido.

Como fazer pedidos efetivos?

Cada elemento do pedido é importante e tem um papel crucial:

  • pessoa que pede – Quem faz o pedido? (parece bem básico, mas muitas vezes temos um sujeito indeterminado: “Pediram”). Também é responsável pela clareza.
  • mensagem – A mensagem é explícita? Ou parte de uma conversa privada que o outro tem que adivinhar?
  • receptor do pedido – Para quem é o pedido? (parece óbvio, mas dizemos “é necessário fazer X”, “alguém tem que”). Quem é responsável por aceitar e assumir o compromisso ou não?
  • condições de satisfação: quando, de que maneira, onde, etc. De forma geral, aqui estão os termos negociáveis.
  • necessidades: o que, como, por que, para que. Esta parte amplia o entendimento.
  • impacto em si e no sistema: que sentimento gera em mim, que resultado vai gerar. Acredito que ajuda no engajamento do receptor.

“Saber pedir ajuda é uma das competências linguísticas fundamentais na vida.” (Echeverría)

Agora o gênio vai atender o seu pedido, aquele que você anotou. Como ele será atendido?

Pode ser que descubra, como eu, que na realidade não era um pedido, mas um desejo, pois é abstrato, geral e inclui uma visão de futuro.

O gênio realizará seu pedido (ou desejo), sem discussão nem negociação, mas aqui entre nós humanos não é bem assim, nossos pedidos geram compromissos que são cumpridos ou não. Nem tudo é explícito nem acordado previamente gerando decepções, frustrações e tristeza. Tudo isso impacta a tarefa, a relação, e as emoções dos envolvidos.

Podemos lembrar de várias situações familiares e profissionais que geraram desacordos deste tipo, seja por conta da proximidade ou do distanciamento social, por exemplo.

Por que é difícil conversar sobre isso?

Criar acordos e compromissos efetivos envolve emoções, relações, fatos, julgamentos, interpretações, tudo junto e misturado. Então distinguir, nomear e expressar cada uma delas pode nos ajudar.

Escolha uma situação para experimentar a comunicação multidimensional abaixo, proposta por Kofman, para uma conversa efetiva e respeitosa:

  1. Preparação individual – O que aconteceu que me incomodou? Por que quero conversar? O que quero resolver?
  2. Definição do contexto – exponho minha intenção, verifico a disposição do outro de conversar e se a situação é adequada.
  3. Exposição dos dados – apresento os fatos (“eu observei que…”).
  4. Exposição das emoções – falo somente como me sinto.
  5. Exposição de opiniões e interpretações – exponho minhas interpretações sobre o que observei.
  6. Indagação – pergunto sobre o que o outro observou, o que pensou e como interpretou.
  7. Escuta em silêncio e checa a compreensão – sem interromper, escuto até o final, faço um resumo e questiono se entendi bem.
  8. Expressão dos desejos – declaro o que gostaria que acontecesse.
  9. Pedidos – faço um pedido específico.
  10. Indagação –pergunto sobre o que o outro deseja, como percebeu o pedido, o que sugere, etc.
  11. Escuta em silêncio e checa a compreensão – sem interromper, escuto até o final, faço um resumo e questiono se entendi bem.
  12. Negociação e compromissos para ação futura – buscamos juntos soluções que integram os objetivos e pedidos de ambos.
  13. Aprendizado e desenho de procedimentos – o que podemos fazer melhor para que isso não volte a acontecer? O que cada um de nós fará a partir dos compromissos acordados

Cada etapa tem um propósito, cuidando da tarefa, da relação e das emoções de cada pessoa. Envolvemos o outro na criação do futuro, na solução e nos aprendizados a partir da experiência compartilhada.

Reconhecimentos, elogios, feedbacks e compromissos ganham ainda mais intensidade se forem feitos desta maneira. Quanto mais praticamos, mais fácil fica. Que tal praticar com sua família, colegas de trabalho, equipe e amigos?

Marcia Yokota|Consultora Associada Oipé

Referências:

Echeverría, Rafael. Ontología del Lenguage. Ed. J.C. Saez, 6a edición, 2003

Kofman, Fredy. Metamanagement. Ed. Willis Harman House, 2002.

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